so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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