you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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