you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
