My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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