i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
