She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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