i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize