I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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