New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
