dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
