I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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