She went from zero to smokin in five shots
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
