how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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