Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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