I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize