I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
