Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
