I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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