can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
