yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
