All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
