I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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