Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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