I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
