Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Randomize
