Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
