So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
