My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
