I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
