Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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