Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
