Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My ATM looks so different sober.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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