i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you had me at cake vodka
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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