I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
