You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
