I molested 6 butterflies tonight
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She's the barista slut.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
