I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
