he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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