So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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