My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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