Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
