i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
