I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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