Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
