Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
