If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
