I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
