theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
