You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
