She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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