Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
