I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
