maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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