He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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