I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
