We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
