i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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