Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
