There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
