I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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