I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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