lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
