so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
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