Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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