So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize