im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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