we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
