guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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