He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
