white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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