I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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