You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
