It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
