Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
