You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
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