that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
