Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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