your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
