How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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