mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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