I feel like I'm in dance class right now
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
