I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
