There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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