oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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