is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
