i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
