At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Randomize
