We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize