Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
