when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
