You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
