So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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