Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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