if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
