My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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