can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize