____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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